i didnt have any tests at all as id lost so many babies i really wanted mine no matter what, but i think as far as i can see the way honey is dealing with it it is how many people feel when faced with something like this. I was talking with a dad at school a while back on a trip and they have one child at the school and a yopuinger one who was born with downs and he was telling me when they discovered lucy had downs it was a total shock as no tests showed it [they didnt have indepth ones] and it took a few weeks to come to terms with the fact that the child they thought they had wasnt and they had to get to know a totally different one. Lucy now goes to school and os doing quite well but they know as she gets older that her peers will progress much faster and move away from her.

when i did my autism training we were diven a story to read about how it feels to have a disabled child.... i thought it was really good

"Welcome to Holland"

By Emile Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this ...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip … to Italy. You can buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. Its all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes and says "Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a new language and you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I planned".

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.