First of all, never, never treat your stepchildren differently than your biological children. (I'm not saying that you do...) At 13 and 12, you have to remember what you went thru at those ages. And its 100x worse now. Maybe you should allow your husband to do most of the "parenting" right now and you work on a friendship with the kids. Not saying that you shouldn't be a parent, but back off a bit. I know, mom's are supposed to be the main parent, but hey-things change. My husband used to be the meanie of the two of us. Then my daughter became a teenager and kept pulling the "You aren't my dad" junk. It was hurtful and shocking since he's been her "dad since she was 1. He stopped being big bad dad, and became her friend. Now that she's over that stage, we all get along and don't have any problems. Except the usual. Its not easy being a parent, and being a step parent is even harder. Good Luck.