there seems to be lots of publicity for the Downs Syndrome storyline in Easterenders at the moment

It's not a programme I've watched but people either think it's really good and true to life or awful?

what do you think?

I can sort of understand the leaving them bit - that's what hapened to my sister - and before you say it - No ! my mum didn't walk out on her - we got her from a nursery when she was 4 months old! her natural mother walked out because she was a widow & my sis was the result of a one night stand and she didn't want her in the first place so when she was told she was a 'mongol' (as they called it then) - she packed her bags and went home

we don't even know when her proper birthday is - her birth certificate says between 2nd and 4th of May! but after 35 years I don't know any more about her mother or how she coped with what happened to her

all I know is - I couldn't have coped with a Downs Syndrome baby and I had all the tests I could when I was having both of mine!

i didnt have any tests at all as id lost so many babies i really wanted mine no matter what, but i think as far as i can see the way honey is dealing with it it is how many people feel when faced with something like this. I was talking with a dad at school a while back on a trip and they have one child at the school and a yopuinger one who was born with downs and he was telling me when they discovered lucy had downs it was a total shock as no tests showed it [they didnt have indepth ones] and it took a few weeks to come to terms with the fact that the child they thought they had wasnt and they had to get to know a totally different one. Lucy now goes to school and os doing quite well but they know as she gets older that her peers will progress much faster and move away from her.

when i did my autism training we were diven a story to read about how it feels to have a disabled child.... i thought it was really good

"Welcome to Holland"

By Emile Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this ...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip … to Italy. You can buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Colosseum the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. Its all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes and says "Welcome to Holland.�

“Holland?!?� you say. “What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a new language and you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around, and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I planned".

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

Thats lovely rae

I never had tests with mine either and to be totally honest i always said having a downs baby wouldnt have bothered me at all, i DID say that if it picked up anything in the scans that looked bad and that my baby would have no quality of life then it would have been different.
I am in no way saying the mothers of downs that have them adopted are bad it just isnt right for some people ,some just cant take to not having a 'perfect' baby that they have longed for, you cant judge people.

And now i am not talking about eastenders at all :lol: sorry but i dont really watch it all i know is the bits ive seen are rubbish coz that honey girl cant act at all which sort of spoils it.

I think its a very personal decision, & it takes a very special person to knowingly progress with a pregnancy knowing the baby has Downs.
I had tests with both mine, & with Charlie they said I was a higher risk & I chose to have the amnio, thank god he was ok but was terrifying & still get upset now when I think about it. Who knows what would have happened if the outcome had been different. The thing with Downs, is that when diagnosed, theres no way of knowing just how severe it could be, it could just be facially with a slightly slower learning disabilty, in which case they can lead almost normal lives, stay in mainstream school & when older maybe even live on their own, or could be round the clock care, in which case I think I would have to think about the effect it would have on my other children. Paula worked for a guy whos sibling had downs, & he said he would never knowingly have a child with downs as its not fair on the other children in the family, & thats kind of stuck with me as he has first hand knowledge.
When I was pg with Liam, a friend who was due at the same time told me when I went for the blood tests 'you get what you're given' Just because I went for tests doesn't necessarily mean I would have aborted, I would just want to know from the beginning & would hate the shock that Billy & Honey have had. To spend 9 mths dreaming of a perfect baby, & then to be told your baby has downs must be devastating. The same girl went on to have a sex scan at 20 wks & was disappointed it was a boy, never made sense to me after telling me 'you get what you're given'
Godd subject by the way, sory to have prattled on!!

Rae - that was lovely

I know I would want to know if I was having a Downs baby ..but... if it had happened to me I know my ex would have forced me to terminate - he didn't want that sort of life!

I don't know how I would have felt about it either to be honest - I say I wouldn't have gone through with the pregnancy but I can't make a stand as I did not have to make the decision anyway

I know my dad is having a tough time lately - my sis will never live independantly - she does clean tables at McDonalds at weekends but that's as far as it goes - she couldn't find her own way there on the bus so relies on him to take her and pick her up

it's difficult for me to say whether they're handling the storyline well or not as i don't personally know anyone in that situation, and god forbid, hope i never am myself. i can understand where they're (honey)coming from though as rae's story points out, you think you're getting one thing and end up with something else, that's if you've had no tests.

the only person i know, as joanne mentioned was my ex boss, his brother had downs and he said as a child he always felt totally left out, there was never any time for him as his parents needed to spend most of the time with his brother and appointments and everything else involved.

i had the tests done at 15 weeks when i was pregnant with anna and i personally couldn't say what i'd have done given they'd have come back with problems. it's a hard one for me as because we'd been trying for 2 years, i think no matter what i'd have possibly had the baby as i was so desperate for a child.

if it happened now, i don't know ? if i'm totally honest. i think if you could tell what quality of life was going to be for the child and that there would be none, i'd end the pregnancy.

it must be such a difficult time for all involved. no right or wrong answer :sad:

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Polly's Ebay

That was lovely rae. Wat can i say? Honestly dont no as ive never been there. However even going thru normal motherhood with ellie being sickly every month i cant imagine how it would be to have a special needs child as this is tough enuf, especially wen its added to the stresses and strains of normal life. I do believe things are sent for a reason but believing that and putting it to the test are two completly different things. Tough one !

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