My mom visited for a week recently, and I need some advice on how to handle what happened. She was perfectly nice around me, but as soon as she left, my husband told me something quite unsettling. According to him, every time he was alone with my mom, she trashed me and basically told him that he should divorce me. Now he thinks she is a complete loon, but I'm totally floored. I can't imagine that her total motive was to come out here and sabotage my marriage, but what else can I conclude? Anyone feedback would be greatly appreciated.

There could be a possibility that your husband could be lying to you but I wouldn't know; I'm just pointing out a possibility. If your mother did say negative things about you, it could possibly be that at her current age (?), she'll start developing disorders that could cause her to say certain things that she doesn't necessarily mean. I think it would be beneficial to you if you were to go ask her if she was lying or not; however, if she denies it, you'll have to begin to wonder if she's the one telling the facts or your husband. Reply and tell us what happened if you're able to.

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Well, that's the problem! I can't really confront her, since there are only two outcomes, and neither would be good. One, she would say that it's rubbish, would mean she's either lying to me...or my husband is. Two, she admits she did it, and then I would have to decide how to handle that! I did consider the possibility that my husband is the liar, and I confronted him about it. He is my partner, so technically I should trust him above anyone else, which is why I am choosing to believe him. Doesn't make it any easier to believe that my mother is crazy...but she doesn't exactly come from the best beginnings, being abused as a child. My husband has psychiatric training, and he feels that she is "off her meds"...I know that she did suffer from a bit of depression. That is what she told me, but apparently, it was more than a bit and she was on some drug to control it...and she decided on her own to stop taking it. It's a mess, but I thought she was doing OK. It's one thing for her to go down in flames, but to try to destroy my marriage? I just don't know what to think.

whats John says can be right, if not. Maybe you should speak with your mother on why she wants your marriage divorced. I'm sure there is a reason why your marriage bothers her and it may be best to just talk it over and see if the problem can be fixed. if ultimately, she wants your marriage divorced no matter what then if staying with your husband is what makes you happy then i think your mother has no right to break you two up with no particular reason.

Well, that is beside the point! Even if there is reason, it isn't her business. If she thinks I should be divorced, she should discuss it with me. Not go behind my back and tell my husband I'm not worthy of him and create lies about me to make me look bad to him! Which is why I think he can't be lying, cause some of the things he told me that she said...well, he couldn't have made it up!

Assuming that she wants the marriage between you and your husband to separate, I think it may be something with her depression. You've also briefly mentioned that she was on medication and that she started to gradually stop taking them which could possibly be the cause for her assaults towards you. I think it would be best if you were to take her to a doctor and see what happens. However, if she truly means what she's currently saying, I don't think she has the right to break the marriage between you and your husband. I'm truly sorry to hear that this is happening and it must be painful for you to experience this. Did she say anything else other than your marriage in general?

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I'm not much of a great advice, but follow what you believe. DO NOT listen to what others tell you or tell your love ones. If you love your husband, try to ignore it and confront your mother about what she has done and how it affected you. Good luck on your marriage.

I doubt I'll ever confront my mother about this! We did call my sister, who my mother is visiting soon and told her a bit of what happened. My sister will monitor my mother's behavior and will most likely tell her that she needs to get back on her meds! I am trying to treat my mother as if I'm not aware of what happened. Yes, it is tough, but I can't see the benefit of creating a larger rift between us by telling her that I know of what she did while she was here.

As far as what else she commented on besides my marriage? According to my husband, she trashed everyone in the family. Got to the point where he cut their day short and drove home. He really thinks she's crazy and never wants to be alone with her ever again! I don't exactly blame him. :evil:

I'd imagine the situation and conversation to be rather awkward if you were to decide on confronting the whole crisis with your mother. There's a possibility that she may be angry and frustrated with many aspects of life which could possibly cause the anger towards other people. Based on what your sister's observation is, it should be beneficial to both parties if they find out if she really needs to go back on medications or not. Anyway, I wish the best for you and your family members.

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It has to be disappointing that two people so close and important to you don't get on well. But your husband isn't asking for reparations or a divorce. The only real change that I've noticed is that he just doesn't want to be alone with her. That's not an affront to you, just don't put him through it. He might have been exaggerating, anyway.

I agree that you shouldn't treat the incident with any more significance than a slightly sad, perhaps jealous and/or bitter, batty old woman's raving. Is your sister closer to your mother?