Hey all i just found out yesterday that my brother and his wife are getting a divorce after being together for 14yrs. From what i understood they are going to still live together right now for the kid's benefit. He told me that they had a mutual agreement on the divorce but his wife whats to get it over like right now. What makes it so weird is that she has a cousin that is in town but she won't let my brother meet him at all. Then she will leave and not say where she is going and won't answer her phone when my brother calls. The only thing i can do for him is to be there emotionally and that cuz he lives in another state then i do. What else can i do to help out?

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e adams

Aside from being supportive of him there isn't anything you can do. He has to get through this himself. Just listen when he needs someone to talk with and ask him if there is anything specific he needs your help with. Also, send him encouraging or funny cards or letters too. Anything to boost his spirits!

thanx. i appreciate this advice!

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e adams

It's a divorce and many people are having it nowadays. It's sort of sad actually, but hey, they find new people, right? You could be there for me and comfort him through this time since he probably needs it. Be supportive and optimistic when talking to him. Best of luck, buddy.

thanx

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e adams

Have you considered suggesting to them to seek a counselor that may be able to mediate whatever issues they may have going on that is leading them to the decision of getting a divorce? Sometimes couples may falsely believe that the relationship is beyond repair when in reality it is not. If they both view their marriage from a mature perspective, they will exhaust every possibility to salvage it...

They have already tried the counselor and it did not work. They have talked more and they agree on there choice. My brother is moving out on Tuesday.

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e adams

Sorry if I sound harsh. Counseling works, it's the people that don't work. Unless they are splitting up due to marital unfaithfulness, one party leaves the other one, or somebody's physical life is in danger - no marriage split up is justified. Both parties have decided to "break" their promises and their lifelong covenant and commitment - clear and simple. They meant to say "Until I don't like it anymore do us part" during their "vows". Counseling usually isn't effective when both parties aren't willing from the start. If both of them want it bad enough - counseling or mediation will ALWAYS work! Reconciliation is a difficult process, especially is there are deep wounds over many years. But any WILLING couple can do it. Again, it's not the counseling that doesn't work - it's one or both of the individuals who are not willing to let go of what they really want. Sometimes this "want" may be realistic, in which compromise may be in order, but more often than not it is an unrealistic demand based on selfish expectations or demands from one or both individuals.

For example, a married man or a woman may have a family, yet wants be able to go out on Fri and Sat nights with the "friends" to party at a local club (holding onto a singles mentality). This is an unrealistic expectation for a married individual and believe it or not, couples divorce over this kind of stuff.

Many times married couples falsely believe that the grass is greener on the other side. The reality is that they will have to work out their issues now or ultimately with the next person they meet.

Divorce is at epidemic proportions. This is sad. It is a reflection of a culture that is increasingly admitting it's relational deficiencies, failures, and defeats and is willing to say that it's O.K. The solution is for couples to work hard at understanding expectations BEFORE getting married and continue to work at and feed their marriage WHILE they are married.

And also - turn off the garbage on television that divides and mocks the marriage relationship. Get some excellent study guides that support your relationship together. Get together with other healthy couples.

I say all this with sincerity and from personal experience.

I know that my brother hasn't cheated on his soon to be ex wife but we have an idea that she might be cheating on him. She has been very mysterious and that.

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e adams

2findtheway
What it really comes down to, from what I've been studying, is that because we have the option for divorce people tend to make that choice. Also, humans are not monogamous. It is only something that we have decided to be a good trait. No, it isn't a good excuse for people to cheat but that's the way it is. People change as they live and sometimes it is unrealistic to picture two people together forever. Sometimes it happens though. Marriage takes a lot of work. But sometimes people change so much, that even hard work and careful planning don't make a difference.