I have no idea what to do! I recently gave birth to a beautiful newborn girl ( and also recently married) and me and my husband have been arguing over the fact that I am very overprotective with my daughter even when it comes to him. When I gave birth, i had the luxury of having my mother came and stay with us for a month to help me adjust with having a newborn in the house. I took a maternity leave of three months to take of the baby especially since I was breastfeeding. My mom assisted with the chores aroudn the house i.e cooking, some cleaning,etc. My husband also assisted but for the most part he was working the third shift ( 11pm-7am) leaving him very tired because he has never worked this shift before, so his time at home was left getting some sleep. Nevertheless, since I was breastfeeding, I was for the most part taking care of the baby because she was getting her nourishment from me and I obviously was the one with more time on my hands. My mom left after a month and reality set in for the both of us. I for the most part do not leave the house because my husband says its not safe to take the baby out blah, blah, blah. [Side note: I had also spent a large part of my pregnancy working full-time/finishing off my master's full time from sept to dec, i gave birth in february]Anyways, sorry for jumping around, I have grown accoustomed to the way I have handled my daughter since she was born. I have learned that she is a very good baby and only cries when she needs something, so for the most part when she cries, I pick her up to see if she is hungry or wet and attempt to calm her down any chance I can get because there is no reason to let her crying get out of hand if I believe that I have solved her want i.e food , wet diaper. I feel like over the months I have learned what my daughter wants and needs and even figured out what her different cries me. i feel like at this point in her development i know her best. i feel she takes to me at times more than her father. My husband feels like i am too overprotective of her, especially when she is with him.There may be some truth to this statement only because my husband believes by me pampering her, calming her down when she cries, always wanting to see how she is doing or the reason behind why she is crying is making her a spoiled baby. He believes by not rocking her when she cries, not calming her down when she cries to be changed or for whatever reason is creating a STRONG-MINDED baby, who wil nto throw tantrums, learn to stop crying on their own with out being rocked or talked to. He even wants to give her a lil tap on the bum if she cries a little bit. He says as long as he picks her up, the baby should know to stop crying because I am not ignoring her. I don't believe in that. I believe that my version of parenting, in soothing her talking with her calms her down quicker than just standing there and wait for her to calm down on her own. I often walk in as he changes her diaper to find that her crying s at an ultimate peak to the point that her noise is running. When I deal with her and I am home with her by myself she cries but not to the point that her noise is running and she's ready to have a panic attack. In addition, I guess I often make a comment like " Well she never does that with me". My husband has mentioned that he does not like that comment because it makes he pissed off , but I feel like sometimes the manner in which he handles her is not appropriate because I see her reaction to him. It is not always the case, but for instance he has this thing he does where he gives me and our daughter sniffs instead kisses. That is his way of showing love. It often annoys me but he says he does it for his own satisfaction. often times it is pretty rough and rubs his beard on our daughter and she immediately cries. I know my daughter doesn't like it because she starts to cry or even puts her hands up and does not lean on him for support as he holds her.I dont think at this age in particular she needs to be disciplined. It is understandable if she is crawling or walking and is getting into a lil trouble,but I don't believe in disciplining a child this early ( especially not at two months). I believe at such an early age the baby is learning trust and by me soothing her and trying to calm her down is helping her build that trust. please help..am i doing something wrong....our marriage is on the rocks...b/c this is a constant argument

In my opinion you might want to go to counseling. When two people don't agree on how to raise kids, it usually ends in separation. I know that one of the triggering fights between my daughters father and myself was due to him not watching the baby like I thought she should be watched (she was 10 months old and crawled up a full flight of stairs while he was watching tv and I was in the kitchen) One thing led to another, and there was abuse involved also, but I know many many people who cannot work through their inability to see eye to eye when raising kids. My daughters father has two other kids that he simply spoils to the point where they dont respect him at all, and this was also a constant fight with us because i refuse to raise a spoiled brat as a daughter. i dont think kids should be given everything they ask for especially when theres no money in the first place. i do think that kids need to clean up after themselves, and he doesnt (but he expected me to clean up after them) dont get my wrong i love my daughters half sisters like they are my own but i couldnt deal with this way of life. our cultures were completely different (hes mexican and i am white) and his family was involved in a lot of illegal activity that i did not want my daughter around. when you become a mother, you automatically become more protective of your baby, and everything else is clouded. you could have been sooo in love with someone, but once that baby is born, and you decide he/she is interfering with your daughters life in a negative way, your instincts will come out. Please try counseling first and get her father to some parenting classes. a lot of it is due to lack of education on his part about babies it seems like. you cannot spoil a child under the age of one. if this doesnt work, please do what you think is right in your heart for your daughter. good luck

You are BOTH learning how to be parents. Just as you had your opportunity to bond and get to know your baby, respect that your husband needs this same opportunity as well. He will learn that when he rubs his face against her he hurts her, but allow him the distance to make all these discoveries on his own. It took you time to get to know your baby and her cries, the different things she likes and needs. It wouldn't have been fair if someone did not allow you the space to become her mother on your own. Also, keep in mind, fathers provide a different role in their childrens development. Expect that you will be the nurturer and comforter and fathers by nature will be the role-models to teach them discipline and independence. Both of you together with each of your philosophies will produce a well-rounded, well adjusted child. Dad will bring balance to your constant doting and vice versa. But respect the boundaries of eachother's role as mother and father. As long as the child is not immediate danger, she and Dad will be fine. I, myself am a mother of 2 so I know how hard it is to bite your toungue. Of course nobody will take care of your child as well as you do, but with understanding and respect you will find it easier to step back and let him have his time to develop his own relationship with his daughter.If, after all this you still find it extemely difficult to let go of the power and control than marriage counseling is suggested, since this may be a symptom of other issues between the two of you. This should be a happy time for the 3 of you. Don't let these memories be overshadowed by other problems that can be fixed with some early intervention. Good luck and congratualtions to your new family. Many new families go through similar times of adjustment, too!!

PLEASE do not let your husband give your baby a "lil tap on the bum" as discipline- it is pointless and could escalate. There is no reason a newborn baby should be ever disciplined for crying or anything else. She cries because that is the only way she has to get you to help her. Of course you want to fulfill all her needs because that is your job. She is a completely helpless little human and she needs you. She also cannot be spolied at this age and does NOT need discipline yet! A baby needs to have their needs met in a consistent and loving way in order to grow into a well adjusted adult. A baby will not be spoiled because you take her needs into consideration first. A baby needs this. And, it benifits you later to have the child feel absolutly content and not worrying if her needs are going to be met. For instance, for the first few months of my son's life I would pick him up immediatly whenever he cried, no matter what I was doing and attend to him, and everytime he woke up I would get him right away I would never let him lay in bed and cry. After the first few months he knew he could count on me to be there no matter what so this helped his self esteem and to not feel insecure. So instead of him being spolied, like you would think, he is confident in himself and does not need to cry to see if I will care for him. People told me that he would never be able to sleep on his own since I always picked him up right away when he cried at night. WRONG I put him in his crib still awake and he goes to sleep by himself without a peep for a good twelve hours and has since he was about four months old. (he is 13 months now). So, if you cater to your baby's every need now, it will pay off in the long run when you have a healthy, loving infant who is confident in themselves and you. As for your husband, it sounds like he needs a parenting course or sensitivity training.

I am sorry, but . . . You are completely in the right!!! Study after study has proved that infants DO NOT benefit from being left to cry. Disciplining a newborn should just be out of the question. You sound like a wonderful mother who cares very much for your baby. A baby who has parents that are sensitive to their needs (as opposed to oblivious) will grow up to be healthy, happy, and well-adjusted. You're supposed to baby a baby . . . she's a baby!If I were you, I would ask my pediatrician to give me some literature/articles for my husband to read on the dangers of trying to discipline an infant/let them cry. There is definitely an ample amount!Of course, I am a bit of a mother-tiger. I would growl viciously at anyone who made my daughter cry . . . my husband learned to back off.

Pick your battles. (It'll be great practice for when your daughter is a toddler!)Let him put his scratchy beard on her... if it drives her crazy, she'll find her own way to let him now that (as it sounds like she has been doing). He'll figure it out.But do NOT let him start spanking a tiny baby. The other poster was right that you don't need to discipline an infant under 1 year of age. Make sure he understands that crying is her ONLY way of communicating with you right now. It's all she's got. And she might be saying that she's tired, itchy, bored, wanting to be picked up, lonely, overstimulated, wanting more time with daddy... not just hungry or wet.I picked up my son constantly when he cried as a baby. He's now 2, and all along people who see him while we're out have always remarked on what a happy baby he is. He is very secure and confident in my ability to get his needs met. He very rarely throws tantrums and seldom cries.Now that your baby's over 6 weeks old, and it's spring... it's probably safe to take her outside (unless she has health issues, in which case ask her doc). It may even be good for you to not be in the house all the time, not seeing other people. And it'll be good for your baby's developing brain to have lots of new things to see, hear, touch and smell. Good luck!