Okay, I just joined this site (found it through google by typing "relationship advice forums". I much prefer to ask people rather than to read what someone has written... kinda the same thing but i can get opinions from many different people.

okay here goes:

I met my girlfriend through an online dating site in november of 2006. I told her first and foremost (when she asked what I was looking for in a relationship) that I do not want the relationship to revolve around spending money... she agreed.

anywho, so after about 3 months everything was going fine and then we would get in an argument about something stupid, most of the time it was because she disagreed with something I said or did. For the longest time she has gotten mad at me whenever I have a cigarette and its not that I don't want to quit, she just doesn't understand how hard it is for ME, she can have 2 cigarettes then not have one again for another 2-3 weeks and thats her, she doesn't see it MY way though, I get VERY aggitated and short-tempered when I don't have a cigarette say, after work or sometimes (rarely now) after sex.

okay, another problem which is common with me... I have no idea why, I am going to my doctor on friday to talk to him about it as well as a few other things, is that when we have sex, it seems that I have a VERY hard time actually being able to... finish, if you catch my drift. She gets very upset and immediately sais / thinks that I am not attracted to her.

The downside and honest truth, which I could NEVER tell her, is that I am not as attracted to her as I was when we met, over the year I know she has put on some weight, we always eat out because I work late nights... Now, maybe I am an asshole for thinking that I am not attracted to her anymore... maybe im not, maybe thats normal, anyone care to give an opinion?

My last thing is that she for the last week has asked me EVERY DAY if I still love her and I don't know what else to say then YES OF COURSE I LOVE YOU STOP ASKING ME THAT.

In truth, I do love her, but I don't think I want to be in a relationship anymore, I have NO, ABSOLUTELY NO freedom, she gets upset when I go out with my friends, she'll get upset / angry if I choose to not see her on her break at work or if I go out with friends after work. This is NOT a relationship in my opinion, when we are going to have sex, it doesn't just happen, she'll ask me like 2-3 hours in advance if I want to have sex that night.

ONE OF MY MAIN POINTS HERE!!! (About money): I make roughly $2000 (Canadian $) per month, shes makes about $1000-$1100 per month. If she has no money and I do, she'll say im cheap for not spending money on her however, she has a $400.00 necklace i bought her for our 1 year (she bought me a gps unit for my car which cost the same...), i bought her a new cd player for her car (which is actually her moms car but she will get it when she goes to university), a promise ring, which i didn't even want to do in the beginning, we've taken 4 trips this year (within canada) that cost ME about $1700, 2 of which i didn't want to do or didn't care about doing, and it all comes down to this.....

I don't know if I want to be in this relationship anymore and I can NEVER seem to work up the courage to tell her because I a) don't want to be alone and b) don't want to hurt her feelings at all. I have a good relationship as well with her brother, mother and father, we all get along.. I think she knows that something is changing but she doesn't know what exactly.

she talks about us being together in the future and I say yea yea yea to everything but I can't be honest...

WHAT SHOULD I DO, please help.

if anyone actually reads this whole post then thankyou for taking the time to do so and any and ALL advice is VERY appreciated. if you want to chat through msn or something pm me with your msn address, talking one on one is what I prefer because you can learn more from someone elses experiences in my opinion but a simple reply here is perfectly fine.

Thankyou once again.

another problem i face, about my friends and how she doesn't like me going out with them...

we got in a big fight about 4 days ago because her mom was gone for the night and my good friend called me and said you and your girlfriend should come out and have a few drinks with all of us (about 5-7 people who are all REALLY close friends of mine).

the second I even mentioned this to her she FREAKS OUT saying why of all the days we could have gone out did you have to pick this day when my mom is gone.

I argued back saying holy sh*t, when do we ever go out with my friends, actually, when do I EVER get to see my friends. no answer and it was a 2hour argue/conversation about it which turned out that we're going to go out THIS weekend with all of my friends, well, she's not feeling well for yesterday and today so now im going by myself with my friends and she's going to her friends house from work (not a guy just to make everyone sure of that). this is why i think i dont want to be in this relationship anymore... i dont know what to do once again any advice is very appreciated.

thankyou again

Hi..

Well - you should stop letting "I dont want to hurt her" be your excuse for not ending the relationship. Because (and i mean no offence, really) I can tell you two things:

1) You ARE currently hurting her by the way you are acting towards her and the way you think and feel about her which no doubt comes out in the things you say (even though you refuse to say it directly) and your body language etc (eg chosing not to spend time with her and spending more time than usual with mates). Not saying the truth (the directly hurtful thing) and acting in the way you are acting is sometimes so much more hurtful to a girl who feels she needs you.

2) Once you end the relationship - she'll go on with her life eventually, she will grow, she will become older and meet someone who will love her with maturity and selflessness and respectfully and honestly and truthfully.

So dont worry about her.

Keeping this r'ship going the way it is - thats when you (and us) should worry about her. Let her go - you arent making her happy and she's not making you happy.

It's a pretty serious relationship then. Are you questioning if you love him anymore? I don't see what you are complaining about. At least your bf isn't an assh*&e. A lot of girls boyfriends are jerks to them and the guys treat them like crap for no reason. Be greatful that your bf isn't like that. I would be lucky to not really have any problems in a relationship. I haven't been with my bf for very long. We haven't really argueed about anything. I am so greatful I met him and he is such a great guy/bf. I don't see what you are complaining about. There really isn't anything to complain about... Just be happy!!!



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