I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. We have had a wonderful relationship and now things are looking really bad. I am a 25 year old male and I have struggled with drinking for our entire relationship. I am currently sober and have been for just a few days, but in the last 4 years it is the longest time I have ever spent sober. She has asked me to stop drink many times in the past and I always told her I have my drinking under control. I was a functioning alcoholic and just didn't see that I was doing so much damage to us. We fell into this trend of For 6 to 8 months we would be so in love, talked everyday and I could hear the love in her voice and see it in her eyes. Then I would be stressed from work or school, get drunk and then she would call, we would talk for a bit and then a fight would ensue. I said things I didn't mean to say and sometimes the next morning I couldn't even remember what we were fighting about. Once I even passed out on the phone while she was voicing her concerns about where we were going. In the past I asked for forgiveness and told her I would drink less, and normally after some time passed we would be right back on track.

About 3 weeks ago I was feeling down about losing my job and having difficulty finding one, and had said something along the lines of she was not being supportive of my feelings. This enraged her as she really has always put me before her. I of course had been drinking. The next day she wanted to take some time apart, I agreed and we said we would talk again after 5 days to clear our heads. When we came back from the break, every time I would talk with her she was monotone and seemed like she wanted nothing to do with me.

Just this past Friday I saw a buddy of mine get mad for no good reason when he was drunk and he got in a fight with one of our buddies. I broke them up after my angry drunk friend was being choked out by the defender. For doing this my angry drunk friend hulled off and slugged me right in the eye.

I had a weird revelation that even thought I had never physically hurt my girl the emotional scars she must have received from trying to help me and to help us were awful. I made the decision to not drink anymore after that night. I voiced this to her and asked for forgiveness and she said that she has forgiven me so many times for this same thing, she has been so embarrassed at how drunk I was some of the times we were out with her friends and she really doesn’t think she can trust me anymore. I tried explaining I never really understood what kind of damage I was causing because of all of the booze but now that I have seen it I honestly don’t want to drink again. I’m just too afraid becoming that same angry drunk.

I really want her to take me seriously and know that I personally want to change because I have seen what it has done to my life and who I was becoming and I am not proud of it. When I tell her this she just gets angry and brings up past times I have tried to make amends for my drinking and shuts me out. I have tried to give her space and show her that I really have decided to change my drinking to better myself but she won’t listen. She says she still loves me but just won’t stop focusing on past mistakes and bury the hatchet. Please if anyone has any advice in telling me how I can show her that the sober me (the part she fell in love with) is back please help. I have been heartbroken for the past month and it's not getting any better and nothing I seem to say or do is helping. Thanks.

Its very difficult to change to a better person were in fact you get used to. And the good thing is that, you manage to change somehow. Time will pass by and she will forgive you, give her time to absorb everything and for sure she will realize that you really regret all those things that you have done. Just continue the good things that happened to your life and let her feel and see that you really change to a better person.

Thanks Michzel,

Update, we are still talking on a very limited basis, however we did talk last night. I tried to remain upbeat and sound as if I was having a great time. I still have not had a drink and am really feeling good about it. She lives about 90min from me though so she really dosent get to see the progress as much as I have. Thanks for the pep and Ill let you know how things turn out.

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