Hi all,

I've been with my boyfriend for two years (as of Halloween), although we have been known each other and remained interested in each other for at least five years.

Throughout the first part of the year, things went fairly well. Being as this was the first real relationship I had been in, I was feeling particularly happy and excited about everything. Summer came around and things practically came to a screeching halt -- at least for me. While my boyfriend was going around telling everyone how wonderful his relationship with me was, I was feeling lonely and miserable. He wouldn't call, and he was relatively apathetic and preoccupied with his television screen when we DID spend time together. Although it was my first experience being in an actual relationship, I knew then that something was wrong and I let him know about it. He apologized, made an effort to change, and I forgave him of course (my first mistake). From that point on, we've been dealing with a variety of problems in our relationship.

To my knowledge, my boyfriend has not cheated on me. I DID find out about his pornography stash though, which he of course lied to me about and that hurt me very deeply. Ever since then, I've caught him lying about stupid, petty little things; as a result, I am significantly less attracted to him than I was at the start of our relationship, and even our five-year friendship for that matter. If he still finds it necessary to lie to me about tiny, ridiculous issues by this point, I can only imagine how easy it would be for him to be totally dishonest with me if much larger problems were to surface. The pornography thing wasn't necessarily a huge issue, at least not in HIS mind.. but when I found out about it, it most definitely became one.

Whenever I approach him about his current job search, he says that he lacks the gas money to drive out of town to look for one (we live in a very small town, right smack in the middle of several larger towns and cities), or he blames the horrid economy. We never do anything together as a couple either, because AGAIN -- he lacks the money to do so. I'm finding, however, that he almost always seems to have the gas money/money/motivation for FINDING money to go get a video game that he wants. A few months back, his dad (who lives out of state) sent him a fairly large chunk of money, which he used to take me out ONCE and spent the rest on video games. I'm not being shallow here, but again I would like to stress that we *never go anywhere or do anything together as a couple.*

I don't trust him. In fact, I resent him for being the person he is. He's always broke, he has no job, he has at least a million and one excuses as to why he's broke and unemployed, and as I've previously mentioned.. we never do anything together (on top of that, it isn't as though I'M going to offer to take him out. As far as I'm concerned, he needs to man up and take his girlfriend out. I'm not going to get stuck paying for ALL of our dates, which is what would end up happening should I be the one to suggest that we go somewhere). I keep having dreams about him acting in a way than a 6 year child would, or I find him dressed up as a huge infant. Frankly, I get disgusted knowing he's at home, either sleeping or playing a video game. Call me old fashioned, but every man I've known was glad to take his girl out and WORK for what he wanted. I have to work for what I want, so I don't see why it should be any different for him.

Ugh, I'm sorry that this is so long-winded. Basically what I'm asking is, has anyone else--guy or girl--been in a similar situation? I don't need anyone to reassure me that he is a deadbeat, nor do I need validation that the relationship isn't healthy and it should probably end. I'd just like some advice on HOW to end it. I almost don't want to talk to him in person about it, although I know I owe that to him. The past few times I've made an attempt to leave however, he became extremely hysterical and begged me to stay with him. At least 3 other times, he dropped me off at my house, stayed parked and sat alone in his car for thirty minutes to an hour while I refused to go outside.

In short, this whole thing has become so ridiculous that I just don't even want to be bothered with it anymore. As I type this, my boyfriend is attending a "Midnight Launch" release for some game that he pre-ordered at GameStop . He'll go home tonight and play it until the wee hours of the morning while I sleep, since I have to get up for my class tomorrow. Should I approach him in person or over the phone..? Before I was so unsure about ending it, but now I know I'd be better off if I were to get out the relationship and move on.

Well, it's obvious that _e09_ put a lot of effort into her post and feels strongly about it...

But NOT enough to even come back and see if she got a response.

I never understand this. WHY go to all the trouble to find a forum like this, get all registered, POST your problem, then just forget about it?

(sigh)

Excuse me?

I do feel strongly enough about this to check back and see if I've received a response--I've had no internet access until today. I wouldn't go out of my way to find a forum like this if I didn't care to check back for input. Outside of my relationship issues, life as been hectic enough as it is, and I am just now getting the chance to catch up. I also see that you are the only one to have responded to this thread.. and your response really doesn't even pertain to my original post, unless you posted something different earlier..? Why be so quick to assume that I don't care to see what anyone has to say about it? Please, fill me in on whatever it is I've missed. I would most definitely appreciate it.

WELCOME BACK!!

Please accept my apologies for what I said, but the sort of thing I described happens a LOT around here. To that end I have taken to checking a poster's "last activity" before I invest a lot of time and effort in a response that may never get read.
Again, I'm sorry. I was frustrated. I hope you'll stick around with us and participate more. You might be able to hep somebody else.

As to the porno thing, I suggest you grin-and-bear-it. Porn (to a guy, anyway) does NOT mean he wants some other woman, or wants to cheat on you. Men are created by nature to be VISUALLY stimulated. What we SEE through our eyes is what gets us turned on. (Some animals, Dogs for instance, are stimulated by scent. That's why dogs are ALWAYS sniffing each other's butt)
Porn is nothing more than a man's brain seeking stimulation. It "means" nothing.
Perhaps, ignoring it might be your best action. (But don't let him get all obvious about it)

Most of the rest of his problems seem to be a result of his maturity level. While I don't think men actually OUTGROW video games (probably that "visual stimulation" thing again) they DO tend to develop a sense of PRIORITIES.

You seem very unhappy with this relationship right now. To be honest, I see no really good reason to continue it. Unless you have a significant investment in this guy (married, living-together, have a kid) I'd say it's time to move on.
That's the whole thing about dating, you sample all kinds of potential mates until you find the one who drives you nuts the LEAST.

Good Luck.

This Video games and their parlors pollutes young minds for sure!

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